Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
God I need to hump something, right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
