Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
