Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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