Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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