I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
