i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
