do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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