Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
