two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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