I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
