KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
