The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
