dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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