i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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