I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
