I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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