This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was born a porn star she said
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
