Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
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Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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