how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
