You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
