my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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