One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
