i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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