It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
