Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
