You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
