dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize