Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
