Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
