I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
