bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
