How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
