i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
