Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
