Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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