Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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