i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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