sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
