Plan B is the new Plan A
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
