So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
