Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
