The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
