yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just gift wrapped bread.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
