There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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