Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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