thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
