nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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