Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
