Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
