he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
