my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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