there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Houston, we have a squirter
He better not be in your backpack
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
