Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
