I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He passed out mid-signature
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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