Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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