I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
