Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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