i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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