I think i sorta joined a cult last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
