Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
