Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
