the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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