yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
