I can text with my tongue
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
