Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
