Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize