I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
