sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
did you just send me my own nude
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
