True but thats because hes a fetus.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
