Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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