If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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