My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
