why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
