When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
