I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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