I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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